30 days!

That is how long I have to decide if I keep my blog or if I delete it.

Let me rewind and tell you how this all started. At approximately 12.15 this afternoon, I was sitting at my desk when an email came in saying

‘Thank you for your auto renewal with WordPress. Your PayPal has been billed for the amount of £100’

£100!

First of all, when did this become so expensive?

Secondly why is this the first time since launching the blog in 2016 that I have cared about the cost of renewal.

It was the second question that got me. For the first few hours after receiving the email, I told myself it was because this is the year of saving on all expenses. But that wasn’t it. Not when it concerns something I love!

The real reason was one that I didn’t want to face – because for the first time since launching my blog, I didn’t believe that I will ever fulfill the full purpose of why I started sarahalonge.com.

When I launched the site, it was supposed to be so much more than just a blog. Yes I would write every now and again but the vision was for me to start recording! the goal was to launch a fun and informative podcast discussing all things life!

As if the auto renewal was the only expense!  I have a microphone sitting in a box somewhere collecting dust, software on my MacBook taking up memory and a whole lot of procrastination to show for it. You see the money is one thing. Work hard enough and there will be plenty more of that where it came from. But the time, that doesn’t come back to you.

So what went wrong?

Well.. In 2016 my reason was that it was too soon. I could just about write without crying so what good would I be recording a podcast? All my listeners would hear in the play back is an ugly cry and sniffles! No Thanks!

And then there was 2017. In my defense I recorded some snippets. But (and it is a big but)

 I hated the sound of my own voice

Shock horror since I never shut up. I googled apps that could change how I sound (to no avail) and then parked it.

2018 I spent hours writing down themes. I brainstormed ideas with my accountability partner at the time. I scheduled dates to record and even invited guest to join me! But then at every ‘problem’ that came up, I would shy away from a solution.

If you know me, I am a natural solution finder. So if a date didn’t suit someone, no problem I would find another date. But not this time. I would use diary clashes as an excuse not to continue.

I mean at least I tried right? Wrong! In 2019 one of my motto’s was

 Don’t stop at trying and just start doing

So why is it on the 2^nd day of July after successfully ignoring all of the memes reminding me we are half way through the year, side note why do we do this every year (covers face) did this auto-renewal message come through? A message that did not just make me reflect on the past 6 months, but the last 3 years.

I have spent the first half of this year analysing the fact that there are so many new podcast out there.  2019 I have literally beat myself up and told myself that if only I had started 3 years ago then no one would think I was unoriginal. I finally got out of the funk, started doing market research and brain storming for new names and then BOOM! Another podcast launched by someone I know. GREAT!

Now I am not doing this.

I am keeping it 100! These are the thought I battled with and eventually almost allowed to defeat me. Since when did I become this person that watched other peoples movements and neglect my own? A question I am sure many of us ask ourselves.

The truth is, If we spent less time worrying about the perception of others, then we would have more time to put our heads down and just get on with it.

Our dreams and visions aren’t there for others to approve of but for God to be proud of. Why proud? Because it takes a listening ear to know what to do and a courageous servant to do it. You may not feel it, or even identify with it, but

You are courageous!

I am courageous!

So we have got 30 days! 30 days until I can no longer get a refund on this auto renewal! That is 30 days to stop allowing fear to slow me down.

30 days to be courageous!

Who is with me?