It was foolish of me to believe that life would all of a sudden be easy.
That I was exempt from the challenges that everyone else face because ‘I had been through enough’
I believed that once it was over, I mean the crying, the recovery of the money lost and the heart ache, that I will be good to go. I will never have a day that goes by that I didn’t think about the situation or even allow the situation to take over my thoughts.
It has been 2 years. 2 years and I can confidently say that I was wrong. I was wrong to think that this was anything less than a traumatic experience that beautifully shaped me to be the best and strongest version of me. I knew it was the former but the latter is something I am truly beginning to see.
Over the past 2 years I’ve had so many highs and lows, ups and downs… just like anyone else. One of the questions I get asked is, ‘how did you get over ‘it‘ so quickly?’ And many times, I wonder what ‘it‘ is. Is ‘it‘ the series of undisclosed events that I have encountered and had to overcome in the last 24 months? Of course not. ‘It’ is the thing that some people have now identified me with. And I get it. Heck I write about it. But the truth is ‘it‘ was not something I got over. It was something I got through. In getting through I certainly did overcome. But there was nothing quick about it. And even here on the other side, ‘it‘ will still be the wound that healed. Not the one that disappeared.
‘It’, left a scar.
I am so thankful for my scar! and through writing this blog, I have met so many strong people who I often pray for. My prayer is that they don’t just cover up their scabs or even let it bleed out! but that they heal and have a scar to show for it. I guess what I am trying to say is,
Stop trying to erase the things in your life that you thought would erase you.
The fact that it didn’t kill you means there is a testimony worth sharing!
I get questions from ‘How’ to ‘why’ and for a long time I just wished people would see me as more than ‘it’. for a few months I even stopped blogging. When I was inspired to write, I would stop half way through and tell myself ‘Sarah, not this again’ but then I missed the point. I was trying to erase an experience that has helped shape me. What people see. Is not a suffering woman but a conqueror (well I would like to believe so anyway) I missed the point that my story is one that has birthed wisdom that only experience can bring and lessons that unfold years after. The fact is, 2 years on, I am still learning, still evolving and still growing. So why am I sharing this today?
I want you to see that no matter how hard, rough, challenging or even demoralising your ‘it‘ may be, don’t ever wish your pain away because your pain will birth beauty.
To life bloggers/ writers like me, stop trying to create content that is not authentic to you. You do not need to find a ‘new story’ when there is still so much to learn from the multiple stories of your past.
It is a misconception to believe that your ‘it‘ has an expiring date. Yes the pain WILL go and yes something else in life, good and maybe not so positive may happen. But they will all form a part of your ‘it’ remember that there are no irrelevant chapters to your story. And until that final page, every sentence is yours to tell.
Your IT has a reason.