Maybe if I lost the weight I wouldn’t be single.

After all who is checking for a size 14…ok ok size 16 girl with a barley there backside and boobs that aren’t in proportion to the rest of her body?

The worst thing is I have been 12kg (26 pounds or 2 stones) smaller than I am now. And even then I was not happy. I would stare at myself and wonder why after every ab workout and every green smoothie, I was still ‘FAT’. oh I hate that word.

But oh how the times changed. What I would do to be that girl rocking her size 14 jeans that became too big for her waist with the striking jawline again.

It is funny that once it went, I missed it. But when I had them, they were not appreciated. I couldn’t see that the journey was bearing results. I mean I knew I wasn’t the squeezing into her size 18’s  girl who started the journey (saying size 20 sounds way too dramatic) But I was not the size 10 girl that I saw while I scrolled through my social media. ‘oh if Jennifer Hudson can do it, so can you Sarah’.. Well I mean that is nice and all, but

why can I still see this love muffin?

Why wasn’t it as fast as I had hoped, as easy, as rewarding. Why was I still not happy? It is funny how this very example reminds me of the human race through difficult journeys. We complain and in some cases we give up. If only we could trust the process more.

Reading the above, and scrolling through my social media, would you believe that these were some of the thoughts I had? I mean where is confident Sarah? The one with the cool quotes of motivation? Well thank God that after a lot of self reflection and prayer, she is right here and better than ever.

I couldn’t appreciate myself then for the same reason why I couldn’t appreciate myself a few years ago. I was too consumed by the notion of fitting in. I couldn’t see that rolls and all, this woman,  has so much more to offer than her body (which by the way I now see is BEAUTIFUL stretch marks and all)

Our body is a temple. And yes that does mean that it is important to watch what we eat and exercise. But it also means to look after our minds and not feed it with lies that have been set by our insecurities.

If you’re not happy with the way you look, then by all means work towards changing it but before you do, ask yourself why. If it is so you can be desirable to another human being, or to ‘fit in’ then hun, you have missed it. When I re-channeled my thoughts and geared them to what really mattered,

loosing weight became a bi-product of a better me and not the other way around.

You will not all of a sudden love yourself the way you should when you lose the weight. I have photographic evidence to show you that I once lost a whopping 19kg (3 stones) and still didn’t love myself the way I should. You have to learn to love yourself even when that zipper won’t go up.

I know I have a great purpose and have so much love to give and to receive. I have no choice but to make sure my body is healthy and to live a better life. I love me enough to want to be great from the inside out!

I am so happy I have come out of the other side of being ashamed of my body. And if you have felt this way,  I hope you are encouraged. To get to this point, I had to remind myself to see me not only as the Sarah Alonge that you see, or the one that occasionally gets the DM’s after a body flattering picture (wink wink)

I had to see myself through Gods eyes. And guess what? He is pleased with my fine self  

I hope this has helped someone the way that writing this has helped me.

xoxo

Affirmation for today: I am fearfully and wonderfully made – Psalm 139:14