My ex use to accuse me of dating him based on who he use to be and not who he was at the time we got back together.

To add a bit of context, we were on and off for many years before we got engaged. The person I met him as and the person I got engaged to were two different people! Unbeknown to him I was actually not interested in re dating the Pastor I first met. In actual fact I preferred it when he wasn’t! I can say that right?

On closer reflection, I wasn’t with him because of who I met him as 4 years prior, or even who he was at that present time ( disclaimer:I’m not saying he wasn’t a good person at that time)

I was with him because I saw his potential.

He was one of the smartest people I knew and literally had the spirit of excellence. But unfortunately I placed too much emphasis on who I thought and wanted him to be, and not the person he thought he could be.

Now don’t get me wrong, seeing someone’s potential is great but are you seeing what you want to see or what they are truly showing you?

So in true Generation Y fashion, I took to Instagram and did a poll.

76% of respondents said they would date someone based on their reality and the remaining 24% said potential.

And I agree with the 76%. Dating based on a person’s reality does not mean you are looking for a finished product! I mean I’m certainly not. But the truth is, a person’s reality will indicate whether they will ever reach their potential.

What I have learnt is that potential is great but it is not tangible. So many girls and guys marry dreams and when they finally wake up they feel trapped. Babes let me tell you no one trapped you other than your inward desire to see what was never there.

I aspire to achieve many things in my life but if all I can do is tell you my dreams and not show you my process to get to them,  the truth is that, that is not my potential. It’s my wish. And unless you live in a fairytale, wishes aren’t reliable currency.

I don’t want people to read this and think I am suggesting that we only date people who have made it or have reached their potential. The truth is you will not get a finished product.

We were designed to grow.

So whether he is working in a blue collar job or she has a degree, the question is not where they are doing right now, but what are they doing that ENCOURAGES you to believe that they will become the person God has designed them to be.

I truly believe that a person’s reality will indicate if they have the ability to reach their potential or not. Sometimes it takes them a little longer to realise their potential and it may not be you that they realise this with! But hey thats a post for another day.

In summary, do not create a false reality only to be let down by the truth which is, you were never really on the same page.

I hope you enjoyed this piece and thank you to all of those who answered my twitter poll.

xxx