Hey lovely people!
I’m back with another starter pack! Now I know there are no clear guidelines for this. How I handle something may be different to how you handle something. Additionally some people have a different outlook on things. For example, I don’t believe I can remain good friends with an ex. Some people do. So please take this starter pack as a guide based on what has worked for me in the past. Hope you enjoy it x
1: Never abandon how you feel. Strong or not, you’re allowed to cry, miss the person, want to punch them in the face etc. Don’t ignore how you feel. Unless of course it’s the urge to punch them.. go to a boxing class instead. Speak to someone trusted, write about it in a personal journal. Release your feelings somehow. But what you shouldn’t do is react on the basis of your emotions. We tend to send that text when we are super emotional that can often make things 10x worse or take us 10 steps backwards. Don’t!
2: Always remember the reason why the decision is best for you! The reality is, this doesn’t always make it easier at first. But it does give you hope. In the bible people questioned why Abraham could have so much faith. It’s because he held on to the promise. In the same way hold on to purpose. Remember that in the long run this break up is the best thing you could have done for your mind, body and soul. Hold on!
3: Pray! Now let me be honest. No two break ups are the same. After my public break up all I did was pray! I wanted to! But I can say this has not been the case for other situations. I had to force myself to pray and it was worth it! Praying your feelings, praying what you want to see and praying for direction are all things that are vital! You have nothing to lose by taking out a few minutes to pray on this! Instead you have so much to gain.
Now in my very humble opinion the first 3 points are a must. Now I’m going to share some points that not everyone agrees with but worked for me.
4: Cut it off – sometimes we say it’s ended but it hasn’t. We find new reasons to argue so we can still speak everyday 👀. For me personally, you can’t get over someone who is still always there. Space is HARD! But required! My space may be permanent. And maybe yours doesn’t have to be but it is still needed until you can confidently say you’re not moved by that individuals presence
5: See your new season of singleness as a gift. Invest in this gift, and take this time to really get to know you! No matter how enticing it sounds that blind date your friend is trying to hook you up with 4 weeks post break up, is not a good idea. Take time.
6: You can keep the gifts but get rid of the memories. Now sometimes the gifts and memories come hand in hand and so I humbly say no to them both. But I think it’s extreme to throw away everything the other person got you. What I do think needs to be binned are those pictures, text messages and anything sentimental. I know first hand that this can be difficult as there are some memories that will never go away. But see it as a good thing. Memories are a thing of the past. So let’s keep it there.
7. Delete them off social media. Everything they do becomes personal. All of a sudden they upload a picture and the next thing you’re bitter because they look happy and you’re at home crying your eyes out! First of all, social media lies! They probably aren’t happy but what’s that got to do with you? If you can’t see it, you won’t question it. Protect yourself.
8: Do something nice for you. You’ve spent months or in some cases years trying to do something nice for him or her and for your relationship. This is your time. I go on solo dates all the time! I’ve even been on 2 solo trips in the last 2 years and I plan to go on more! This didn’t come straight away. It took time. But solo dates or trips or even a nice gift from self to self are ways to value yourself. The former 2 are also great opportunities to retreat, reflect and re calibrate. I’m not saying to isolate yourself because good company is amazing! But a few hours or days alone can do a world of good.
I hope you enjoyed this post or it helped you! If you can’t relate, send it to someone you think can. Thank you everyone! Until next time