Ok so if you have ever read my New Years resolutions for the last 3 years, heard me speak about boundaries or read some of my captions, you will know that I am the QUEEN of telling people and myself to say NO but when it comes down to actually doing it…. I’m no where to be found.
In 2018 I have said enough is enough. Firstly… I can not come and die and neither can you. Secondly many of our ‘yes’ is actually a delayed NO and then it becomes an issue of integrity and thirdly, nobody has time for that!
So here is the Say No (with your chest) starter pack
1) A valid reason
Now this is important. Don’t just make up any excuse.
I’m not saying you should just go around saying no to everything and everyone. That’s how someone will now say that Sarah told them to say no to their destiny. But it’s important to check your heart. If you do not have the time, capacity or even the peace to do it, say no! And yes being tired is a valid reason to say no. We all know our capabilities. If you know that doing an additional thing or going to that additional function will wear you out, just say No
2) Don’t let anyone make you feel guilty
Let your no be no or just know that no one will take your no seriously 🤣 that sentence made me giggle but anyway I digress
If you’re like me, you are often a victim of emotional blackmail. (All of the culprits know who they are) we allow our ‘no’ to change to ‘I’ll think about it’ and then end up reluctantly doing something we really do not want to do. At the end of the day the people you have pleased are happy and then you end up drained! If care is not taken, you also end up bitter and resentful which in turn leads you to act like a 5 letter word often used to refer to a female dog and begins with B 🙃
3) Stop speaking from the side of your neck
In other words, and in the words of my dear friends Sarah Jane and Fatima ‘with your chest please!’
4) Accept that it is ok not to be present at everything.
Many people believe presentism is only an issue in the Work place. It is very possible to be present in body and absent in mind at social gatherings too. Some people (if we’re honest) only say yes to everything because of the fear of missing out. Sweetie, I know you are made in the image of God but my dear you’re not Omnipresent. Stay at home. You have that business to build. Besides if you are there for the wrong reasons, your mind is 90% likely to be elsewhere. Additionally, you’ll realise that the ‘lit’ snap story you gained from the ‘turnup’ was not worth it 🙃#NotEverydayLetMeAtLeastShowMyFace
5) Value your time
Alot of us have been screaming ‘I stay booked’ #Booked #OnTheGrind… I mean that is nice and all but if your ‘bookings’ add no value e.g. stimulate your brain, make you money, gratify you or feed your spirit, honey you aren’t booked, you’re busy.
Don’t get me wrong. It’s good to live life and enjoy! That’s where the gratifying self (within reason) comes in. But in 2018, Biko, let’s place a value on our time. If it helps, split your time up into categories. An example of this could be: ministry, work, study, me time, play time. Once you start to place a value on each category, saying yes to things that eat into your valued time will become offensive to you. And before you know it you’ll begin to allow the ‘no’s’ to roll when needed.