Stage 2: learn to trust God fully! I say fully because when you re-evaluate certain moments significant to your trials, you realise that you didn’t truly trust God. Well at least I didn’t. Trusting, was hard for me. Not because God isn’t trustworthy, but because the knowledge of my past experience kept taunting me. Uprooting the seed of doubt was a process that became easier once I could accept that my past hurt does not define me. But to trust took a whole lot of submitting. And for me submitting was hard. It was hard in my past relationship and now it was proving hard to submit fully to God. So I submitted a little bit more each day by reminding myself that the one I am submitting to holds the power and ability to make even the most ugly experiences beautiful.
I began to listen more and speak less. I began to trust God and people. And I believed that not every man would break my heart.
Well hello Mr ‘you look right‘
When he came, he came with an air to him that I still can’t explain.
I never felt like marriage was not for me so I guess I had hope in that element. So as time passed I listened to some advice (hey Pastor Pearl) and I started to pray everything I wanted to see and all that I did not want in my spouse. In hindsight I wish I also prayed everything I wanted to see in me as a wife but hey that’s a story for another day.
One thing the transitioning process taught me is to always stay alert and ready. I was sold a lie that because I went through such a hard time, that everything from hence forth would be easier… Lies! What really happens is your lessons learnt make the battles easier to conquer. And just like that the battles came. I was so nervous to close off what seemed perfect. I told myself I won’t let my past relationship determine my next so I became selective.
In the transitioning process, you can not be selective. I was selective to all the positives. I prayed to get with a man busier than me so he wouldn’t complain about my work ethic, I prayed that he would be a professional and a business man who held his own irrespective of family worth. I prayed that he would love God, Love people and live life to the fullest. I even prayed that he play a certain instrument LOL. Now let me be clear if these prayer points were not answered, please believe I would not have been like oh God no… hahaha but imagine my surprise when he was all of these things and more.
He looked right but there was something that was not right. I couldn’t put my finger on it so I waited. I waited on God to speak. When you go through the transition of learning to trust, you have to also learn to trust that voice inside of you that speaks. For believers in Christ, that small gentle voice is the Holy Spirit. And it’s so gentle and warm that if care isn’t taken, you will miss it. And that leads on to the next learning and that is letting go. Letting go is a big part of lesson one, acceptance. But this was a different type of letting go. But I’ll save that for the next post. I’ll see you next week guys.