I came to you with many expectations and many fears. I mean you were my first. And as scary as it was, the excitement of seeing you, being with you and living like you made the fear trickle away.
You were my first solo travel experience in a city that I had never been to and I thank you for welcoming me with open arms. For showing me that temporarily doing life solo is something to be appreciated and not feared. For reminding me that the explorer in me was still there.
I learnt to enjoy my own company again and for that I thank you!
I write this letter 4 months after the fact because since you, so much has happened. Since you, I have found something real. Someone so invaluable but someone who just wasn’t mine.
It was good to have someone call me beautiful everyday and remind me of just how precious I am to God. To have someone believe in me and challenge me all in one breath. It was good to re-feel the security I felt when I met you!
But not everything that feels good is always good. I am trying to do what I know is right and I am finding it hard.
So I came back to re-visit you.
I came back to revisit the lessons I learnt before and whilst I was with you. I have come back to take the next step in my transitioning.
I thought I could conquer anything and I thought right! But conquering has been hard. I stand here not defeated but fighting. Fighting a feeling I recognise but in a different form. Fighting a pain I have harbored but just with a different face. With time this letter shall unfold but for now lets just take it one post at a time…
I can be 100% honest and say that after 2016, I never thought I would find it so hard to let go of anything.
I mean in that year I was stripped of so much. And although at the time it did not make sense, I am grateful. But after that experience I thought that there wouldn’t be a situation that Sarah Alonge would find hard to let go of.